Thursday, August 28, 2008

I know I have been through it, and I tell myself I won't go back to where I came from anymore. A promise made to myself. So, if I were to break it, I would be really disappointment to no one but myself. (:


When I study, my understanding is there. But somehow in one way or another, I’ll feel scared and shocked by the kinda questions that is likely to come out. Let’s just take for example, I am expected to sit for a paper that comprises of Section A, B and C. What makes the paper seems difficult is the section B and C. Why? Simply because normally section B are open ended questions and I have to expect like scenario based questions in section C in which I fear most cause there is like a total of 3 questions to choose from. I need to choose 2 outta the 3 that is given. Section A normally is the easiest to get by just that at times it will be really tricky and requires you to crack your brain cells. Haha. This is what I realized about exams so far. Like since the time I stepped into ITE which is like about 2.5 years ago. Sometimes the question is quite straight to the point BUT they will just twist and turn the question around to make it challenging. So its like kinda having ‘heart attack’. =x Lol. That’s why when it comes to exam its hard core 2 hours. -.-
And anyway its really different from CA and exam. That kinda scariness I wanna get rid of now. Like NOWWWWWW! Really. :(

I wanna get back on track so that I will not be distracted or discourage by the surrounding or even the comment given by others. I wanna get my foundation and confidence ‘zai’ before anything else. And that’s all it matters now. I know well enough that after everything that has happened to me, I was lost. But now I am found. So I just wanna get myself back and be the person whom I used to be. :D and I am sure I can do it.

In the times of trouble, I look up to you.
In my weakness, you are my strength.
I am renewed. Accepted and loved.

I start to visualize myself as the top student. With the good grades, participation and commitment to my basketball training & tournaments, it will help to reflect better on my testimonial and leaving certificate. I wanna get scholarship that I used to get, the course medal award that I managed to get it once in my 19 years of life last year, and most importantly Certificate Of Merit. I know its not gonna be easy but I am gonna fight hard in this race. And challenge against this challenge. ((:
All in all I just wanna make ‘you’ proud and setting a good example to the people around me and especially my nieces. :) I am gonna be a living testimony to those around me. Amen.
PS: the ‘you’ that I am referring to is not just anyone in particular but generally. Like people who care, love and trust in me. Like those who will put a vote for me that they also think that I can be what I think I wanna be. (AHEM) Haha.

After what has happened to me, through the storm, I have learnt to be independent, self love, and slightly more positive that before. So I suppose it is a great lesson to be learnt.

Hey readers, after reading such a long post, how do you feel? Inspired or motivated by me? Lol. Tag me I wanna hear from you. I need affirmation and encouragement to go further. Thanks to all.

Labels: A little effort goes a long way. Jiayou Felicia.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


Whatever that's pleasing to you, that's it.



Back to school. Feeling the excitement yet the stress at the same time. A lot of stuff for me to process and complete. Everything is coming to me and it never seems to be decreasing. :( Kinda sad to know that in life, certain point in life we face shit and what not, oh wells. On a lighter note, I am pleased to share this good news to everyone who is interested to know about my results. :D

Just got back my CA 1 and CA2 result.

CA1 I scored 50/60 BUT by right it is only 49/50. I got second in class. ((:
PS: You know why? Cause I am a honest kid so I went to change my score. Laughs.

Lost to my classmate by 2 points who scored 51/60. It's okay I told myself I am gonna work harder since I am capable of not bad results. hahahhaha.

CA2 I scored 54/60. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& you know whatttt??!
I got the highest. The feeling is awesome. Lol. I have always wanted to feel this way and finally I get to savour the taste of being the highest in class. Heh.

Oh well this is not all. Cause I have got an ultimate exam paper on 11th September. =s
I gotta start mugging like nuts and vomit everything out in the exam hall. Ha.

Oh well, just to share with you guys that my attachment experience is crap. Like totally. Seriously man. Oh come on, the people that I am working with is enough to kill my determination to complete my internship there. Not to talk about my other colleage who is also having her intership there. Sian loh. Imagine I have to crap and smoke through my Industrial Attachment report and presentation. It's gonna be like bullshit. Gonna carry their 'balls' so that they won't lose face. HAHA.

I am quite sure that my report from the supervisor is gonna be hell bad. Cause of the way I handle things at work and of the bad experience I encountered. All in all, I am still thankful that I managed to come back to school to fulfill my attachment hours and work from there. My heart is full of gratitude. =)


I am just contemplating whether if I should go back for training cause its 6 more weeks to COMPETITION. haha. It is confirmed that we are gonna send out two teams. But currently we only have less than 20 committed players and that excludes me cause I was away from school for attachment. But I am gonna be returning to school soon. Please, tell me what to do. :(

Oh & I am so darn proud of myself cause I completed 10km run last Sunday at esplanade in conjunction with Army Half Marathon. Really an achievement to me. Hohoho.



That's all for now.

Labels: I just gotta learn life the hard way.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


Things we went through keep playing, tears keep rolling but you stopped caring.

I have to admit, that it's over. The memories and past keeps haunting me. I just can't help it but to think of you, us or having you on my mind. I hate it. I seriously do. I guess all I need now is for time to get over and place you at my parking slot. I have to learn and understand that you are no longer important to me anymore. You've said words to hurt me really deeply. I gotta be strong. I can't let all these that's happening to defeat me. I am more than a conqueror. I have to face this boldy and confidently. I can't believe whatever that is happening around me is just yet lies after lies. So much of a fairy tale, it's time for me to start a brand new life since you are better off without me. You have much better things to do and greater responsibilities to attend to. I am just nothing to you. I don't wish to think about you. Cause as much as you are moving on, I too hope that I will get there soon. I don't wanna dwell in this misery any longer. It's painful and torturing, I need to learn how to let go and to slowly erase whatever that I know of. My life would be better off if I know how to minor on the minor and major on the major.
It's my fault, i can't help wanting to see you.

Yours truly.

Labels: What I was to you was the best that I could be.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Simple Plan

I'm Just A Kid

I'm just a kid
And life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares cause
I'm alone and the world is having more fun than me


What the hell is wrong with me
Don't fit in with anybody
How did this happen to me?
Wide awake I'm bored & I can't fall asleep
And every night is the worst night ever


I'm just a kid
I'm just a kid
I'm just a kid
I'm just a kid
I'm just a kid


I'm just a kid
And life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid
I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares cause
I'm alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world

Lifehouse Whatever It Takes Lyrics

Check this out. Heartfelt words, from me to you.









My love for thee;

The day when you enter my life. Numerous scars carved on my mind, Turning up, down, left and right. Wondering what's with you inside. Let my sweat replace my tears, Let my sweat flow down my ears. For it has been so many months, Yet i still can't overcome my fear. How many months must I take to know? The mystery that is left unknown. Witnessing ths picture left unfold, Makes my heart turn a little cold. Knowing you wasn't meant to be. Loving you was what i mean. Life without you has no meaning. or it's you I live my life daily. Over a range of thousand miles. When my face is holding a frown, Only you could make me smile. For you never fail to be my clown. Only you could make me whole, The only person I want to hold. You make me so happy so bold. Sometimes just can't never be told. The day when you enter my life, You intruded me, my brain, my mind. Everytime you walk pass the line, My heart pumps quickly all the time. Falling in love with you. Wasn't an infatuation. Being here with you, Ain't just a sensation. In order to love you, Takes me determination. But all I wanted, Was to enjoy this creation. So please I beg you, Don't test my patience. As I need your love, So precious. I always wanted to tell you, How much I actually love you. But the day when you left me, Tore my heart completely. I can no longer find the love I lost. For this love didn't last for long. Since you chose to walk out on me, I guess i shall not appear nor be seen. I know it won't be easy for me, But I choose not to think about it. I told myself every day and night, I can make it! But the memories we had, Came running through me. All the past behaving like a movie screen, Replaying and playing like a non-stop hit. Somehow I feel so sleepy. Somehow I feel so cold. The pain stircken down me, Causes me to grow weary. I wish I could simple stop it! As it was driving me crazy. But at the end of the day, The nightmare is still in me. Refraining me from who I want to be, Makes my life taste salty. I feel so empty suddenly. As though no one is around me. The emptiness that nobody understand. The happiness that nobody could give. Revolving around the world aimlessly. Oh no, where and who I want to be?






I knew someday it would have to end. I knew eventually I would have to go back to calling you friend. It's killing me that now that day has come. If it's for the best then where is this pain from. I know deep inside that this is what I had to do, but it's breaking my heart to walk away from you. I'm trying my best to appear strong, but it's hard when part of me says that in your arms is where I belong. I still love you with all my heart, that's not going to change even though we're apart. There are so many of our special times I am going to miss. All the words I ever said or wrote still hold true. But for now from a distance is where I'll be loving you. I know i will still need you as a friend to help me through, because there are things you can't control that is hurting me. We both have issues no one knows of, neither of us had the strength to be true to our love. Maybe we will be together again if it was meant to be, but for now please don't stop loving me. Even though I'm not your girlfriend I'll still be here. With a shoulder to cry on or a sympathetic ear. The story of love can be quicker than the blink of an eye. But our story of won't be over until the day that we die; Until We Meet Again.


I'm not sure if you know or not. But I really do love you a lot. You still hold a special place in my heart. And you did, right from the start. But when **** came along and took your breath away, I was devastated and didn't know what to say. I spend my nights crying, time after time, I spent my days lying, saying I was fine. Little did you know, my heart was crushed inside, And on that day, a little of me died. But with ****, you look so in love 'Cause you are an angel from above. I now have to teach my heart to move on, For, you are now forever gone. But about one thing I am unsure: Why it can't be me, and not ****.


-frommetoyou-
kidd.

felicia #03
PERfectionist
eightteen
150889
basketballer SLACKER
CE Simei
Attituded`
SINGLE BUT UNAVAILABLE







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Sab oh.
Sock Lin.
JUL JUL.
ORANGE.
HUI LING.
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